Innuendos
by Miyasha
Summary: Tea is building an evil friendship ray to spread her friendship speeches across the world. Can she be stopped? Warning: Shonen ai is implied and this story has no real plot kinda, sorta I dunno. I guess that depends on the reader.
1. Trouble? What trouble? Where's trouble?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu-gi-oh.

**Warning**: This fanfic makes no sense. It's pretty random and has a lot of simple minded jokes so most people might find it stupid. Personally I find it stupid, but I think it's stupid in a funny way. I usually don't write stories like this but I dunno. I was bored and feeling rather silly. This story has no real plot and it could be classified as gibberish or whatever ya wanna call it. So if you like mindless humor and stuff like that then read on. Anyway you've been warned. Oh and shonen ai is implied (boys love) so if you don't like that kinda thing then keep in mind you been warned.

**Innuendos**

**Chapter 1: **Trouble? What trouble? Where's the trouble?

"They all laughed at me! They thought I was crazy! They thought that my friendship speeches were annoying to no end! But now that's all gonna change." said a very crazy young woman. Her hair was a bit out of place and her clothes were all wrinkled. It was as if she hadn't left the confines of her secret underground lab in weeks.

She was far too busy working on her special ingenious mega spectacular ultimate weapon of friendship. It was called...the friendship ray. It was built by the crazy mysterious Tea Gardener for the means of spreading her friendship speeches to the world. Her goal was to create the ultimate friendship zombies who would eat, sleep and breathe friendship not to mention that they would all be controlled by Tea.

"Hahahahahaha! It's almost complete. It's almost complete! Muahahahahaha!" Tea continued her evil laughter.

Across town at the game shop Yugi sensed danger.

"My Yugi senses are tingling. Yami we've gotta do something." said a small frail boy named Yugi.

"I agree, but first we must contact Kaiba."

"Why?"

"Because he's the anti-hero. Every story needs an anti-hero. Deep down in our hearts we all love the anti-hero."

"Your right. Yugi power activate!" shouted Yugi raising his fist in the air.

"What the heck are you doing?!"

"Um...I dunno. I just thought that if I shouted something cool like Yugi power activate then--"

"Yugi power activate is not cool."

"Then what is cool?"

"Ancient super mega ultra double triple shadow magic cannon activate! Now that's cool."

Yugi blinked. "OK sure whatever. Lets just go get Kaiba so that we can save the world."

"Save the world from what? We don't even know what's going on."

"Yeah but my Yugi senses are tingling."

"Just because you said they were tingling that doesn't mean that we know exactly what's going on."

"Yeah but my senses Yami...they're tingling."

"Oh...Well whatever lets just go get Kaiba."

"I already said that."

Yami blinked. "Oh shut up Yugi. It was my suggestion to get Kaiba in the first place."

"If it was your suggestion to get Kaiba in the first place then why are we arguing?"

Yami blinked again and then Yugi blinked back. This went on for about five minutes. Eventually Yugi and Yami ran off to go get Kaiba. Kaiba didn't exactly live in walking distant but they were broke so couldn't afford transportation because they spent all their money on duel monster cards and a big human sized dark magician doll which they shared.

"Yugi." said Kaiba coming from out of a dark alley.

Yugi and Yami jumped. They couldn't understand why was Kaiba coming from out of a dark alley.

"Kaiba why in the world are you coming from out of a dark alley?!" shouted Yami. It goes without saying that he was surprised.

"Yeah." agreed Yugi just because he was also surprised and as the main character of Yu-gi-oh he was entitled to say something.

"I like to hide in dark alleys in my spare time and scare people. I also enjoy reading, watching scary movies and long walks on the beach." said Kaiba handing Yugi and Yami a business card.

"Uhh...thanks" was all Yugi and Yami could say both wondering why Kaiba had said all that stuff then handed them a business card. What was he getting at?

"Anyway Kaiba we were wondering if you could help us do something. Were not sure what were doing but when we do it we need you to be there."

"Is that an innuendo?" asked Kaiba.

"It can be anything you want it to be." suggestively said Yami winking at Kaiba.

"Yami!" shouted Yugi glaring at Yami.

"But it's really not like that." reluctantly said Yami trying to get Yugi to stop glaring at him.

Yugi explained everything to Kaiba and scolded Yami when need be for his suggestive comments.

"Hmm...I see..." responded Kaiba. He didn't have a clue of what was going on but he couldn't let them know that. After all he was a genius.

"Great then get a move on. And tell Joey he can come out now we know he's back there." said Yugi referring to the fact that he kept seeing a pair of eyes looking at him from behind garbage cans in the alley.

"I didn't know." mumbled Yami.

Kaiba laughed and replied, "You think your so smart but I'll have you know that you are sorely mistaken."

"Give it up won't ya." said Joey coming from out of the alley way.

"I agree, but next time give it to me." said Yami.

"Yami!" shouted Yugi glaring at Yami again.

Just then Tristan appeared from behind a tree.

"Sup, what's going on?" asked Tristan.

"You should know. We know you been there the whole time eavesdropping on our conversation and spying on me and Wheeler." snapped Kaiba.

"I didn't know." mumbled Yami who was really starting to feel left out.

"OK so you got me. But I'm still not sure if I understand what's going on." said Tristan.

"Well to be blunt we're in trouble. But we don't know who's causing the trouble or what the trouble is. But we know it's coming soon." explained Yugi.


	2. Put two and two together

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Yu-gi-oh.

**Chapter 2: **Put two and two together

Yami, Yugi, Joey, Tristan and Kaiba ran down the street as if they knew where they were headed.

"Where are we headed?" asked Kaiba.

"To the trouble." replied Yugi.

"But we don't know what the trouble is." said Kaiba.

"I am not having this argument again." says Yugi thinking back to when Yugi and Yami had that argument earlier at the game shop.

"Well this is stupid. I'm too rich and too smart and too cool to be seen running around with you losers. I have far more important things to do."

"Hey wait a minute! Are you calling me a thing?!" angrily said Joey.

"Oh shut up mutt, everything isn't always about you."

"Then can it be about me cuz standing behind a tree and watching isn't as fun as I thought it would be. Next time I'd much rather join in." said Tristan.

"Me too." said Yami.

"Yami!" shouted Yugi at Yami glaring at him once more.

Yami sighed. This whole shouting Yami and then glaring thing was getting pretty old. And why was he just scolding him as if he was the only one making suggestive comments.

"Alright you guys we're almost there." said Yugi panting.

They had been running down the street for ten minutes so naturally he was tired.

"We're almost where and if you say at the trouble I'll rip your liver out and serve it for dinner." said Kaiba and he was not joking in the least.

"Hmm...I don't really like liver." said Yami with a disgusted look on his face.

"Me neither, let's have pizza." said Joey.

"Let's have Kaiba." said Yami licking his lips.

"YAMMMMMIIIIIIIIIII!!" shouted Yugi at the top of his lungs.

"Hmph. I was only joking." said Yami with his fingers crossed behind his back.

"Don't worry we're almost there."

"ALMOST WHERE?!" shouted Kaiba.

"Almost at Burger World. I'm starving." answered Yugi.

"Well at least I won't have to rip his liver out. But I thought he said we were headed to to the trouble." thought Kaiba.

Once they all arrived at Burger World everyone ordered hot dogs instead of burgers. Don't ask why. They also got fries and sodas.

"Normally I wouldn't be caught dead in this dump but the story calls for it." said Kaiba taking a sip of his soda.

"What story?" asked Joey.

"The story of my life." said Kaiba looking out the window off into the distance into the sunset. Of course the sun wasn't setting or anything but it's adds to the drama.

"Kaiba are you about to have a flashback?" asked Tristan because he was curious and had been pretty silent for awhile so had to add something to the conversation so that you know he's still there and just as important as the others even though he doesn't get as much love which really isn't fair because he matters and as long as he loves himself then who cares what anybody else thinks.

"Of course not. I don't need to have flashbacks and tell my life story in order to gain the sympathy of others. I'm far too good looking to be hated or ignored." explained Kaiba pulling out various pie charts and graphs that just happened to be in his briefcase that just happened to be with him so that he could explain to Tristan just how good looking he was.

"Hey did any of ya notice something strange?" asked Joey.

"Oh you mean how we haven't seen Tea. Well the truth is I heard she lost her job due to going crazy and mumbling something about friendship and revenge and evil plot to take over the world." explained Yugi eating his hot dog.

"Wait a minute what did you say?" asked Kaiba.

"I said that she lost her job for mumbling something about friendship, revenge and evil plot to take over the world." Yugi sighed and smiled as if he was remembering the good times they had shared with Tea but because it was too hard to remember the good times he just envisioned having alone time with his and Yami's big human sized dark magician doll. "Good times."

"Yugi do you realize what you just said?" asked Kaiba hoping that Yugi would put two and two together and realize what he had deduced.

"Yeah I said good times." responded Yugi.

"You idiot." said Kaiba getting up and leaving some money on the table to pay for **his** food.

"Hey money bags, where ya going all of a sudden?" asked Joey finishing off the rest of his meal. He had ordered a lot.

"Clearly you morons are too stupid to realize that the answer we've been looking for is right in front of our faces. So I'm going back to the alley to scare people. When you realize who it is that we're looking for then come meet me there."

And with that Kaiba left.

"Well guys I think that's my cue to leave." said Joey running after Kaiba.

"Hey wait up. I'm coming too." said Tristan running after Joey who was running after Kaiba.

"Me three." said Yami standing up.

"Oh no you don't." said Yugi pulling Yami's arm and forcing him to sit down.

"Your not my mother Yugi, you can't tell me what to do." said Yami standing back up and folding his arms.

Yugi rolled his eyes and then looked at the table only to notice something strange. "Hey Yami somethings not right."

"I agree. We all had hot dogs but nobody made any wiener jokes."

"That's true but that's not what I meant."

"Now that I think about it Kaiba had the biggest wiener of us all."

"Yami." angrily said Yugi narrowing his eyes.

"I would of loved to taste it."

"Yami." repeated Yugi but this time he was angrier.

"But your wiener was the smallest of them all."

"YAMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!" screamed Yugi so loud that even Yusei heard it.

"Shhh!" said everyone in the restaurant turning around to shush Yugi.

Yugi pouted. "Don't shush me, it's not like we're in a library." mumbled Yugi.

"Umm...well...So how about the weather?" said Yami trying to change the subject. He felt kinda bad about emasculating Yugi.

Yugi shook his head trying to forget about what just happened. "Anyway as I was saying somethings not right. Just look at the table and tell me what you see."

Yami looked at the table and then noticed what Yugi was talking about. After that he looked at Yugi, then he looked at the door and last but not least he ran.

Apparently Kaiba only paid for his meal but Tristan and Joey didn't pay for theirs. And on top of that Yugi and Yami were broke.

Standing up, "Hey--" was all Yugi could say before a big muscular angry man appeared. He was a waiter but he looked more like a gladiator.

"So did you enjoy the meal?" asked the big muscular man in a very deep tone.

Yugi gulped. "Yami you jerk. How dear you dine and dash without me." thought Yugi.

**Author's Note:** I made a Yu-gi-oh 5'ds joke but I don't know if you understood it or even noticed it so allow me to explain. Yusei is the name of the main character in Yu-gi-oh 5'ds so it's kinda crazy of Yugi to yell so loud that he heard it and Yu-gi-oh 5d's is supposed to take place far into the future. Now that I think about it it's not really a Yu-gi-oh 5d's joke but a reference. Of course I only saw the first episode of Yu-gi-oh 5d's and it was kinda confusing. But whatever I'll watch it when it's dubbed. On another note I had to make wiener jokes. I know they're immature but whatever. This whole story is immature. Anyway thanks for the reviews.


	3. The rat whisperer

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Yu-gi-oh.

**Chapter 3: **The rat whisperer

"Hahahahaha! It's finally complete! It's finally complete! Hahahahaha!" said Tea upon finally completing her friendship ray. "But first things first. I must test it." She pulled out a lab rat from out of her pocket because pocket's are a great storage area for rats.

"Squeak! Squeak!" squeaked the lab rat. He wanted to go back in the pocket. It was so warm and comfy there and he didn't have to listen to Tea.

"Calm down my pretty, calm...Hey wait a minute am I talking to a rat?"

The rat squeaked in agreement.

"Maybe my friends were right. Maybe I am crazy."

The rat squeaked again in agreement.

"Ya know you don't have to keep agreeing with me."

The rat squeaked again, this time he was apologizing.

"I said you don't have to agree with me."

The rat squeaked some more, this time he was trying to explain that he was only apologizing.

"Why do you keep yelling at me?! I thought we were friends!"

This time the rat squeaked some more only to realize that Tea would never understand him because she doesn't speak rat.

"You lousy rat!" yelled Tea throwing him on the ground. "It's time that I teach you what real friendship is about!" Tea aimed the friendship ray down so that it was facing the rat.

The poor lab rat was too confused to understand what was going on so didn't have enough time to run or learn how to speak human.

"And a one and a two and a..." Tea pushed the button activating the friendship ray. "Three!"

The friendship ray did nothing.

"Huh? I said three!" yelled Tea turning the ray off and then back on. "Three! Three! Three! Three! THREE!!" yelled Tea turning the ray off then on then off then on then off over and over again.

But no matter how many times she turned it off then back on it just wouldn't work.

Tea sighed, "I don't have time for this." said Tea walking towards the elevator in her underground lab.

"I'm going upstairs to take my medication. While I'm gone watch the friendship ray." she said talking to the rat.

But the rat had no intentions of sticking around. Once she was gone he would make his escape.

"And if you do a good job I'll give you some cheese." added Tea.

All of a sudden the rat's mind change and he squeaked in agreement. He really wanted that cheese.

"And no talking back!"

For one reason or another Tea figured she knew exactly what the rat was saying even though she didn't. But no worries, that's what the medication was for.

After taking her medication and a much needed shower, Tea had decided that she would grab a bite to eat so naturally she went to Burger World because apparently that's where everybody in Domino goes to eat. When she arrived there to her surprise she found Yugi in a Burger World uniform wiping off one of the tables.

"Yugi." said Tea approaching the short frail boy.

"Oh Tea, long time no see."

Yugi didn't have too much time to talk at the moment because he had to finish working in order to pay for his, Yami's, Joey's and Tristan's meal but when he was done he promised to talk to Tea.

"Bye bye Yugi muffins." said the big muscular man waving goodbye to Yugi.

"Bye Felix." said Yugi waving goodbye to his new found friend.

Once Tea and Yugi were outside they decided to just walk down the street and see where destiny takes them.

"Felix is the best. Next time we meet he promised to take me fishing." said Yugi smiling and swinging his arms side by side as they walked down the street.

"Uhh...right. Anyway I didn't know you worked at Burger World. I also didn't know you were a backstabber. Burger World fired me and now your working there. Friends don't work at other friends jobs when that friend was fired by that job. If friends did that then they wouldn't be friends." Tea took a deep breath.

"Oh no." thought Yugi. He felt a speech coming on. He had to act fast or else be doomed to listen. "Think Yugi, think." thought Yugi.

Just then Yugi heard a car speeding down the street. As Yugi contemplated on what to do time seemed to slow down. "Is suicide my only option?" he thought. He took a quick look at Tea.

"Fr-ien-d-ship." said Tea.

Yugi gulped then dived out into the street. The car grew closer and closer, and...


	4. The Alley Way

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Yu-gi-oh.

**Warning: **This chapter is a real tearjerker. Grits are hitting pans or fans or whatever. I forget how the saying goes but the point is that THIS is a chapter filled with DRAMA! Read at your own risk...OK so maybe I'm being over dramatic but whatever I stand by my warning.

**Chapter 4:** The Alley Way

We now return to another exciting installment of Innuendos...

Yugi gulped then dived out into the street. The car grew closer and closer and then unfortunately for Yugi it made a sharp right turn and crashed into an alley way.

"Ahhh! My balls!"

Yugi gasped, "That sounded like Joey."

Yugi immediately ran over to the alley way to see what was going on.

"Joey are you OK?" asked Yugi trying desperately not to laugh at his friend's misfortune.

"Of course not, how are we supposed to play wall ball without balls." snapped Joey pointing down at his flattened rubber balls.

"Wait a minute so all this time in the alley way you guys weren't...ya know..."

Before Kaiba, Joey or Tristan could answer an old man emerged from the car.

"Oh don't mind me. I was only in a car crash." sarcastically said the old man. It was Yugi's grandpa.

"Oh grandpa. I'm sorry but I didn't notice you and..." Yugi paused when he saw something in the car that looked a lot like his and Yami's big human sized dark magician doll. "Wait a minute!" he said pulling the dark magician doll out of the car through the shattered windshield. "What's this?" he asked pointing to the doll at what appeared to be a coffee stain.

"Oh well you see I was bored and since I'm such an old very old very very old man--"

"Don't play the I'm an old man card with me cuz it won't fly." snapped Yugi interrupting his grandpa's I'm an old man excuse.

"But Yugi..." cried the old man trying to look as old as he could. He even started coughing and saying that his heart hurt and his right arm was going numb. To make matters worse he had the nerve to pass out.

"Nice try but I'm not falling for that one again."

Tristan wasn't so sure he was joking so took the liberty of nudging him with his foot. "Yugi I don't think he's joking.

"Or living for that matter." added Kaiba checking Yugi's grandpa's pulse.

"What do you mean Kaiba?" asked Yugi in a concerned voice holding his dark magician doll closer.

"I mean he's dead." said Kaiba with a very serious look on his face.

"Dun Dun Duuunnnnn!" said Joey because he's an idiot and somebody had to say it. Right?

-Insert commercial break here-

After that everyone was pretty quiet. There was complete and utter silence. Nobody knew what to say, nobody knew what to do. It was all just so overwhelming. Eventually Joey just couldn't take it anymore and fell to his knees crying. Tristan hated to see his best friend like this so attempted to comfort him.

"It's OK man I'm here for you." said Tristan putting his hand on Joey's shoulder.

"No it's not OK!" shouted Joey smacking Tristan's hand away. "He ran over my balls!"

Tristan frowned and backed away. He knew how much Joey's balls meant to him. He knew how Joey spent hours at home shining them until they were as shiny as the paradox brothers bald heads. Don't ask how he knew since Joey never told him any of this because that's not the point. The point is that Tristan's a stalker.

"It just isn't fair! I just got those balls last week!" shouted Joey trying to hold back his tears. He was tired of crying.

"Get over your balls already, a man just died in the alley way!" shouted Kaiba punching a wall. "Do you realize what this means?!"

Joey immediately pulled himself together wiping his tears away as he got up.

"Your right. I'm sorry Kaiba, I didn't realize how hard this was on you. I mean balls come and go but now that Yugi's grandpa has died in this alley way we have to look for... a new alley way."

Tristan sighed and stepped out of the alley way and into the sunshine. He then turned to Kaiba and Joey with a big smile on his face. Extending his hand he said, "Come on guys. It's a big world filled with bold new possibilities and alley ways galore. So let's get started on finding a new alley way. What do you say?"

Kaiba was a bit hesitant at first but took Tristan's hand, he then looked back at Joey.

"He's right you know." said Kaiba extending his free hand.

Joey smiled and took Kaiba's hand. But just as the trio was about to skip away into the rainbow that had magically appeared out of nowhere and live happily ever after, Joey looked back at Yugi who was slumped against the wall with a frown on his face hugging his dark magician doll ever so tightly.

"Hey Yugi. Do you wanna come along?" asked Joey extending his hand.

Yugi's eyes widened as he looked at Joey. "Really? I mean...yeah...But only if it's OK with Kaiba."

Joey smiled and looked at Kaiba. "Kaiba can Yugi--"

"No." was all Kaiba said.

"Oh well. Later Yug." said Joey not even feeling the slightest hint of remorse as he, Kaiba and Tristan skipped down the street towards the rainbow off in the distance holding hands leaving the poor, frail, innocent Yugi Mutou behind.

"Yeah well I didn't wanna go to some stinkin alley way anyway!" shouted Yugi shaking his fist in anger.

But deep down in his heart he knew he was lying. After all, it had been his biggest dream to be accepted by Kaiba into the alley way ever since he had found out about it earlier today. "I gotta get outta here." said Yugi trying not to cry.

"Not so fast." said a very familiar voice. "I do believe I was in the middle of a speech."

Yugi gasped and attempted to make a run for it when he recognized the voice. But unfortunately the owner of the voice grabbed his arm and slammed him against the brick wall in the alley way making it next to impossible for Yugi to get away. In the process of all of this Yugi still managed to hold onto his doll. After all it was a limited edition dark magician doll. I know I didn't mention this earlier but it was. At any rate he was not letting it go no matter what.

"No please don't." said Yugi crying his heart out. He knew what was coming. "I'll give you anything you want...Except money because I'm broke. And there's no way your getting my dark magician doll but other than that I'll give you anything! Just don't...Just don't make me listen...Please I'm begging you! I have a family! Well...had a family...But I still don't wanna listen! So please let me go!"

But the owner of the voice just laughed as she moved in closer to Yugi. Her mouth was but a few centimeters away from his ear.

"Friends. Can't live with them, can't live without them." she whispered. It was Tea and she was forcing poor Yugi to listen to one of her friendship speeches.

Yugi tried to call for help but no one came except that one person who had asked him for directions to Burger World. He was a really nice guy. Chestnut brown hair, honey colored eyes and a smile that warmed your heart and made you feel safe. His name was Billy Jackson.

At any rate Tea eventually finished her speech and left Yugi to wallow in pain. He was so hurt that he had been forced into fetal position.

"My ears...they feel so dirty..." cried Yugi. "But..." Yugi hesitated. "The worse part of it is that...It sounded good..." Yugi had said the last part of his sentence in an extremely low whisper.

He was so ashamed of himself for having enjoyed Tea's friendship speech. He felt so low, lower than dirt. But it wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault. That's what he kept telling himself.

It took some time for Yugi to stand up and wipe his tears away but when he did he knew whose fault it was. He knew who to blame.

"It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's Billy Jackson's fault. Everything would have been fine if it wasn't for Billy Jackson." said Yugi clenching his fists. "Do you hear me Billy Jackson?! You ruined my life! It's all your fauuullltttt!"

Author's Note: Poor Yugi. It's all that Billy Jackson's fault. Anyway writing this chapter was a real pain. I mean it's kinda hard to write a story that's supposed to be funny because I keep coming up with jokes to put into the story but then I come up with more jokes and then those jokes cancel out the other jokes forcing me to decide which jokes I like more so that I can remove the jokes taking away from the other jokes that aren't as funny. I hope that made sense. But I still enjoy writing this story and I'm glad people think it's funny. On another note I don't know why but everything leads back to that alley way. Oh well, as always thanks for reviewing.


	5. Pants and Friendship

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Yu-gi-oh.

**Chapter 5: **Pants and Friendship

Yugi was questioned by the police long into the night about his grandfather's death. Originally it wouldn't have taken so long but the police kept laughing in between questions saying that there's no way he was telling the truth and please say it again into my phone so that I can make into my ringtone.

At any rate,Yugi eventually made it back to the game shop and sighed upon stumbling through the doorway.

"Yugi, what's wrong?" asked Yami who had been standing in the middle of shop.

Yugi ran crying toward Yami with open arms but then stopped upon noticing something strange.

"Uh Yami?"

"Yes Yugi?"

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

It was true. Yami was standing in the middle of the game shop with no pants on.

"Because Bakura took them off." he said casually. It wasn't like it was such a big deal.

"Why did Bakura take them off?"

Yami shrugged, "Because I took off his."

Rule number one in pants etiquette: When someone removes your pants you remove their pants. It's called courtesy.

"WHY DID" Yugi took a moment to calm down and then went on to say, "What were you and Bakura doing Yami that required both of you to remove your pants?"

"Look Yugi this isn't about what we did, or who we did, or how Bakura cried halfway through--"

"You promised you wouldn't tell anyone about that!" shouted Bakura who was currently hiding behind the counter in the game shop where the cash register was.

"Yami I'm going to go outside for a short walk. And when I come back I expect the both of you to be wearing pants."

"OK fair enough but how short a walk we talking here? Five minutes , maybe ten?"

"YAMI!"

"OK, OK. We'll be wearing pants" said Yami before he mumbled, "Reluctantly." under his breath.

Elsewhere, back at Tea's underground secret lab...

"I just don't get it! I took it apart and put it back together so why won't it work?!" screamed Tea running around in circles flapping her arms about until she tripped. But lucky she did because what she was about to see would change her life forever.

"No way! I can't believe it! I FORGOT TO PLUG IT IN!" she shouted looking at the cord to the friendship ray that laid before her.

The rat sweatdropped.

"MUHAHAHAHAHA!!" laughed Tea as she got up from off the floor and plugged the ray into the socket. "And now the moment we've been waiting for!"

The rat wondered what Tea had meant by 'we'. After all he certainly hadn't been waiting for this moment. He was just sticking around because he wanted cheese. But now that he thought about it he never got that cheese! This made him furious, so furious that he went to nibble at the cord to the friendship ray.

"OK Ratty let's get this show on the...WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!"

Tea spotted the rat nibbling at the cord to the friendship ray. How did she spot it? She looked down. What made her look down? Nothing. Why did she look down? Just cause. Will I give a better explanation to these questions I keep asking? We'll see. Is that a no? Dot dot dot. Anyway the point is that she looked down and saw an angry rat biting the cord to the friendship ray. And that's just something you don't do.

"YOU STUPID RAT!" she shouted as she bent down to grab the rat but he had made a run for it.

Unfortunately there was nowhere for him to go and few places for him to hide. If something completely random didn't happen right now then he was pretty much done for.

"Hey Tea." said Yugi.

"Huh?" said Tea immediately stopping in her tracks allowing the rat to get away and hide behind a book.

Of course he wasn't doing a very good job of hiding because it was a five page book. Go figure.

"Wow, an underground lab and it's not too shabby if I do say so myself." said Yugi walking around the secret underground lab, emphasis on secret.

"Yugi how did you get in here?"

"Through the door."

"But how did you get through the door? I know I locked it."

"I don't know I went for a walk and--"

"People do not just go for walks and end up in secret underground labs!"

"Well people do not just have secret underground labs for people that go on walks to go walking into!"

"Ah, touche."

"Soo...Um Tea..." said Yugi twiddling his thumbs.

"What? I don't have all day you know so just spit it out and--"

"Speech me!" shouted Yugi grabbing onto Tea's hands.

"Yugi?"

"Somehow Billy Jackson made me enjoy your friendship speech and now...I dunno...I want more! Please Tea, you gotta tell me tell me another friendship speech."

"First of all how is any of this Billy Jackson's fault? He just asked you for directions to Burger World. And second of all you don't look too good."

Unfortunately Tea was far from lying. Yugi's eyes had black rings around them, and his skin was pale. He even looked like he lost weight since the last time they saw each other...which was earlier today.

"Yugi you don't look so good and I'm a bit busy with--"

"The friendship ray."

"How did you--"

"Well Tea it's kinda hard to miss I mean it's the biggest thing in the room and it says friendship ray on it in large capital letters."

"Mm...That's funny...I don't remember writing that on there..." mumbled Tea.

"Anyway I'll help you. I'll be your guinea pig. I'll do or be anything you want just please tell me another speech!" cried Yugi. "I' begging you!" he said grabbing Tea by the shoulders and squeezing her.

"And people call me crazy...Hey..wait a minute. Now that I think about it, is it possible that the essence of my friendship ray rubbed off on me and then when I grabbed Yugi earlier it rubbed off onto him thus making him enjoy my speeches so much...YES! That must be what happened! It's completely logical and definitely makes sense." thought Tea before she pried Yugi off of her.

But now that Yugi had nothing to hold onto he felt strange, so he grabbed his own shoulders and started looking around as if someone was after him. I presume these are typical signs of a person in need of some serious help. To make matters worse, he was with Tea. They say fight fire with fire but should you fight crazy with crazy? This is what Yugi should have been thinking but he was too far gone from his sanity to think of anything that didn't involve the words friendship, speech, and Tea.

"Friendship Tea! FRIENDSHIP!!"

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!! If this is what the essence of my friendship ray can do then I can only imagine what it'll do when it's on!"

"Friendship?"

That's right. It's official. The only language that Yugi speaks is Friendship.

"Don't worry Yugi there will be plenty of that." she said patting him on the back and yes, she understood exactly what he said.

"Friendship, friendship, friendship."

"Really?"

"Friendship."

"Are you sure?"

"Friendship, friendship."

"Wow, I never knew they were together. I thought he was with Jill."

"Friendship."

"Oh so Jill is with Jim. I see."

Apparently Tea and Yugi were gossiping and they continued to gossip long into the night. But since it was already night they gossiped long into the wee hours of the morning and lived happily ever after. NOT! Poor Yugi was under the spell of friendship and did Yami ever put his pants back on? All this and more in the next chapter of Innuendos!!

Author's note: Saying dot dot dot is more effective than '...' On another note when Tea was saying that the essence of the friendship ray rubbed off onto her and then onto Yugi I was kinda thinking about how when a scientist works on an experiment and sometimes expose themselves to dangerous chemicals and then come into contact with somebody else and next thing you know you got deadly zombies on your hands like in the horror movies. Now I'm no rocket scientist so that's about as logical as I can get. Anyway as always thanks for reviewing.


	6. The moment of truth

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Yu-gi-oh.

**Chapter 6: **The moment of truth

"I'm starting to get worried." said Bakura pacing back and forth.

"Tomb robber there's no need to get worried. Yugi's a big boy, he'll be back soon."

"Stupid pharaoh, I'm not worried about him, I'm worried about my pants. I can't seem to find them." snapped Bakura.

"Oh yeah..." nervously said Yami. "So...how about that weather?" said Yami trying to change the subject.

"The weather? Oh well I heard there was a high chance of showers and there's supposed to be a cold front coming in so," Bakura went on to talk about the weather as Yami nodded agreeing with everything he said.

Meanwhile on the roof of Tea's home, the moment of truth was finally here. It took some time, a lot of effort and an extension cord but at long last the friendship ray was on the roof of Tea's house ready to go.

"MUHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Tea.

"Friendship friendship." said Yugi

"What do you mean my evil laugh is starting to get annoying?"

"Friendship."

"But--"

"Friendship, friendship!"

"Alright, alright I get it. No more evil laughter...But you owe me a lap dance...Now then lets get this show on the road!" yelled Tea starting up the friendship ray.

It was already plugged in but she had to adjust the range so that everyone in the world would be affected by it Or at least everyone in the city of Domino because the world is pretty huge consisting of seven continents and 192, 193 or 194 countries in the world depending on how you look at it (/nations.htm). Not to mention the world's population being 6,602,224,175 (July 2007 est.). (kids./reference/world-factbook/country/xx--World#people) Now obviously the number changes frequently but that's just common sense. Now there are eight planets even though there was once nine because apparently Pluto is now a dwarf planet. (en./wiki/SolarSystem) Currently there are five dwarf planets but it is suspected that there are more. (en./wiki/Dwarfplanets) Anyway the point is...the point is...um...How about that weather?

"Final preparations are complete. The moment I've been longing for is finally here. You know when I was a little girl I--"

"Friendship, friendship, friendship!"

"OK, OK. I won't have a flashback...But I would like to recite a bit of Shakespeare."

"Friendship, friendship!"

"But that's not fair. If I can't have a flashback then I have to stall. It's builds tension."

"Friendship!"

"Fine, I won't stall..." said Tea folding her arms and pouting. "Well...here we go..."

Finally Tea was ready. Her finger touched the on button. Slowly but surely she pushed the on button in. It took about five minutes because Tea wanted to prolong this as much as possible. It was rule number one in the award winning novel 'How to be a villain' or was it 'How to be a douche bag'

At any rate the friendship ray was working beautifully. The best way to describe what was happening would be to say that for a brief moment the city of Domino was engulfed in a shade of green due to the ray.

"Why?!" shouted random people holding their heads as if they were in great pain.

It was horrible to say the least. People were screaming, and trying their best to over come the effects of the ray. But in the end nearly everyone in the city was turned into friendship zombies.

"Friendship..." they said while hugging each other and breaking out into a song in dance.

Tea smirked. She wanted to do her evil laugh but since that was getting annoying she decided to do a victory dance that looked a lot like the twist but then it turned into the funky chicken followed by the moonwalk which was a very bad idea considering she went right off the roof...and died.

'Friendship?" said Yugi looking over the edge of the roof. "Friendship?" said Yugi noticing that Tea wasn't moving. "FRIENDSHIP!" cried Yugi. He was devastated.

But not as devastated as Kaiba who was currently being chased by Joey and Tristan on the other side of the town. Apparently they were under the effects of the ray but because Kaiba is so cool the effects of the ray were negated by his super coolness.

"Friendship! Friendship!" shouted Joey and Tristan as they ran after Kaiba.

"You freaks will never catch me alive!" yelled Kaiba as he picked up the speed and darted down the street. Ahhh!" he shouted while dramatically rolling into the game shop like he was a policemen.

"Kaiba what are you doing here?" asked Yami.

"Friendship zombies...chasing me..." said Kaiba trying to catch his breath.

"Friendship zombies? What are those?"

"Not sure...Joey and Tristan keep saying friendship...and people are breaking out into song and dances...Anyway barricade the door...No time to explain..."

Yami nodded and pushed as much stuff as he could in front of the door such as bookshelves, boxes, a coat rack, Bakura, a table. Basically anything within range.

"So..." said Kaiba upon Yami finishing the barricade.

"So..." responded Yami.

After that there was a moment of silence and Yami finally spoke up and said, "So Kaiba I noticed that you were wearing pants."

"Yeah I am and I wasn't going to say anything but I noticed that you weren't wearing any pants."

"Well you know what they say. Opposites attract." said Bakura emerging from out of the barricade.

Kaiba scratched the back of his head as the duo without pants stared at him.

"Uh...You know what, I think I'll take my chances with the zombies." said Kaiba removing the barricade and leaving faster than I can say to be continued...Just kidding (which is pretty obvious because there's still more of this chapter to be read) but he did run fast.

"Friendship!" shouted random zombies trying to befriend Kaiba.

"Darn it! Why is this..." Kaiba stopped to think for a moment. Well he didn't stop literally because there were friendship zombies everywhere chanting friendship but he did think long and hard until he came to a conclusion. "Tea.." growled Kaiba changing course as he decided it would be best to head directly to Tea's house.

Now all of this running was definitely tiring even for somebody as cool as Kaiba. After all he was only human. But even so he couldn't stop, he had to make it to Tea's no matter what.

But things were not looking good. As Kaiba ran it started raining, and then a cold front came in. Kaiba couldn't keep up his pace any longer. He tried to run on but couldn't.

"I can't go any further!" shouted Kaiba falling to his knees. Kaiba sighed, "I guess this is it..."

It looked like it was the end for Kaiba. But it wasn't. For some strange reason the friendship zombies weren't friendship zombies anymore. They weren't saying friendship over and over again, they stopped chasing Kaiba, and the songs and dancing seized. Everyone was back to normal.

Kaiba got up and looked around. Everything seemed to be back to normal but he couldn't understand why. Kaiba thought, "What just happened? One moment they were chanting friendship and now..." Kaiba looked up only to have raindrops splash on his face and in his eyes. "Was it the rain that stopped them?"

As Kaiba continued to think about what just happened Tristan and Joey ran up to him and gave him a big hug. Normally Kaiba would of immediately pushed them away but he could see how scared they were so he wrapped his arms around them and said, "Tell anyone I'm consoling you and your dead."

Author's note: After this there will probably be one more chapter that will let you know how everything turned out such as did Kaiba ever find a new alley way and will Yami and Bakura put on their pants cuz they been without pants for a good while. Anyway stuff like that will be in the next chapter. On another note super cool people weren't affected by the ray. So because Kaiba, Yami and Bakura are soo cool the ray had no affect on them. Well look forward to the next chapter (because it'll be the final chapter) and as always thanks for reviewing!


	7. Surrounded by idiots

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Yu-gi-oh.

**Chapter 7:** Surrounded by idiots

It had been one week since the friendship zombie incident and everyone was moving on.

Kaiba never did find an alley way so decided to build a tree house with the help of Joey and Tristan. But after awhile he decided that, that was a stupid idea. After all, they didn't need a tree house to do the things they did. Kaiba's bedroom would do just fine.

"Go fish." said Joey.

"You sunk my battleship." said Tristan.

"You guys are both idiots, we're playing monopoly!" yelled Kaiba.

Currently the three of them were sitting on Kaiba's bed in their pajamas surrounding a monopoly board.

"Room for one more." said Yami trying to look as seductive as possible.

"Only if you put some pants on." muttered Kaiba shaking the dice.

"What was that?" asked Yami with a look of fear in his face.

"I said only if you put some pants on!"

Yami's eyes widened as his mouth dropped wide open. He couldn't believe his ears.

"Kaiba I...I don't know if I can do that."

"Then get the heck out! No one invited you anyway!"

"B-but I want to be here."

"Then put some pants on!"

"It's not that simple!" snapped Yami. "I...I just...I just can't put my pants on..."

"Then leave!"

"But--"

"It's not up for discussion! I don't even know why your here in the first place!"

"Ya know Yami he does have a point. I mean shouldn't you be with Yugi or Bakura?" asked Tristan.

"Well Bakura got mad when I wouldn't return his pants and I haven't seen Yugi since he went on his walk last week."

"Checkmate." said Joey knocking Kaiba's monopoly piece off the board.

Kaiba yelled, "You cannot have a checkmate in monopoly!" Then turning to Yami he said, "And as for you, put some pants on or get out of my house!

Yami's eyes filled with tears. "You can't mean that."

Kaiba stood up and pushed Yami out of his bedroom and then slammed the door in his face.

"Kaiba, Kaiba!" yelled Yami banging on the door.

Kaiba leaned on the other side of the door and listened to every word Yami said. Part of him felt kinda bad for kicking Yami out.

"Kaiba! Kaiba! Don't do this to me, please! I...I love you..." cried Yami.

Kaiba looked down at his floor thinking, "I know...I know..."

Poor Kaiba, he truly felt bad. I mean sure Yami had never led him to believe that he loved him and he didn't love him back but the heat of the moment can do crazy things to people.

"Hey Kaiba it's your turn."

"Ok." said Kaiba running over to the monopoly board. Apparently he was a fast healer.

On the other side of the door Yami bit down onto his bottom lip thinking about what to do. He really didn't want to put his pants on. Even the cops and teachers at the elementary school he passed couldn't make him put his pants on. And when they tried to lock him up they ended up in the shadow realm. It was a cruel punishment but Yami really didn't want to put his pants on.

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

Yami heard the laughter of one of his friend's.

"Hey Tristan what's so funny?" asked Joey.

"Nothing I just felt like laughing to portray all the happiness I'm feeling right now. I mean I'm having so much fun. People would kill to have this amount of fun."

"Ya know I think I see what ya mean. I mean this is the best game of scrabble I ever played."

"IT'S NOT SCRABBLE IT'S MONOPOLY!" yelled Kaiba smacking the board onto the floor.

The monopoly game pieces, cards and fake money scattered.

For a long tedious moment they were all pretty quiet until Tristan broke the silence.

"I thought it was checkers." said Tristan.

Kaiba never wanted to choke somebody so bad in his life. So he stormed out of the room and grabbed Yami who was still standing in the hallway without pants.

"Wh-where are we going?" asked Yami as Kaiba pulled him down the hall with a tight grip on his hand.

"Does it matter?" replied Kaiba.

Yami smirked, "That depends, will I have to put some pants on?"

Kaiba didn't reply.

Yami frowned and pulled his hand away from Kaiba.

"Yami?" questioned Kaiba raising an eyebrow.

"Kaiba I really want to go with you but...I just can't put my pants on. Please understand."

Kaiba looked at Yami in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"Very."

"Why can't you...Why is it so...I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS! Taylor and Wheeler have no idea of what monopoly is and you refuse to put on some pants!"

"I know but--"

"No! No buts! I'm Seto Kaiba! I don't need to take this!" yelled Kaiba running down the stairs. He just couldn't spend one more minute with these idiots in his house.

He considered kicking them out but he had plans for them later. Plans that involved chocolate syrup, leather, a whip, and latex.

So Kaiba simply grabbed his white trench coat from out of the closet by the front door and stormed off.

He didn't even care that he was still in his pajamas.

"Well Tea I will admit that we had our differences. I mean you were pretty crazy and your friendship speeches were well...annoying. Very annoying. And I can't believe that at one point I liked them and it was all because of your crazy friendship ray. But I'm ok now thanks to the rain. Who would of thought that the essence of the friendship ray could be washed off by the rain. And who would of thought that you would of left all this information in your blue prints that just happened to be in your pocket. And who would of thought that I would've looked in your pockets for no reason at all. Anyway I guess the point is that...I mean...You were crazy but...I mean...Um..." Yugi scratched the back of his head nervously, he was currently at the graveyard by Tea's tombstone trying to say goodbye. But it was hard because she was crazy so he couldn't think of anything nice to say.

Yugi sighed, "Well goodbye Tea. May you haunt the evil in this world with your speeches."

"Squeak, squeak." added Tea's old lab rat who was currently residing in Yugi's pocket since he had nowhere else to go. To put it simply he was a pocket rat which meant he liked hanging out in people pockets. It was how he lived his whole life.

Anyway he never really liked Tea but he didn't exactly hate her. It was hard to explain and as the rat looked at Tea's tombstone as he peeked out of Yugi's pocket he couldn't help but think of the day that he and Tea met. That's right, the rat had a flashback.

"_I want that one." said Tea pointing to the rat in a cage at the pet store._

_The rat squeaked._

Feeling nostalgic the rat sighed. It really was a beautiful memory even though it was short. And in the end he totally got screwed over when he found out about Tea's friendship speeches but whatever she was dead now so it was easier to feel bad about her death and not hate her...kinda...sort of...Ok he was happy that she was dead and maybe he did hate her but she was dead and that's all there was to it.

The rat squeaked at Yugi and went back into the pocket. He was trying to let Yugi know that it was time to go.

"I have no idea of what you just said but I'll assume it has something to do with getting out of this place and getting you some cheese."

The rat said nothing about cheese but he couldn't complain. He did love cheese so if Yugi was assuming that's what he wanted then more power to him. At any rate even though the rat hadn't known Yugi for long he could tell that this was going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.

"And after we get you that cheese we'll come back to dance on Tea's grave."

A very beautiful friendship.

Later that day Kaiba and Yugi eventually ran into each other since they were both outside walking and as you all know, walks are great plot devices.

"Kaiba..." said Yugi not really knowing what else to say to the man that wouldn't let him join in his alley way games.

"Yugi..." replied Kaiba.

There was then a brief moment of silence.

"Um...I guess I should..."

"No wait. I've realized that I'm not the nicest person around...

Yugi stared at Kaiba waiting for him to continue his sentence but after about five minutes of silence and the appearance of a tumbleweed Yugi decided to speak up.

"Um...This is usually the part where you apologize for--"

"Not gonna happen."

"I see..."

"However since your the only sane one out of all the idiots I'm surrounded by then maybe I could lower my standards and hang out with you."

Now generally this isn't the way you ask somebody to hang out with you but this was Seto Kaiba Yugi was dealing with so he decided to just ignore the rudeness of the comment and accept Kaiba's invitation to hang out.

"Ok Kaiba, let's hang out."

Kaiba smiled. But it wasn't the type of smile that looks like a smile. It was the type of smile that wasn't a smile but it was meant to be a smile but smiling was rather difficult for the young CEO so you take what you can get.

"So what did you have planned?" asked Yugi.

"Well I wanted to eat a sundae with chocolate syrup, while wearing a latex suit, leather gloves and riding a horse with my riding whip. I originally planned to do this with Wheeler and Taylor but...Well it's a long story."

"Wow that sounds like..." Yugi spotted something behind Kaiba that he hadn't noticed before. It was beautiful and he couldn't believe that he had just noticed it.

"Yugi what's..." Kaiba stopped mid sentence as he turned around to look at what Yugi had spotted. "Yugi..."

"I know, it's beautiful."

"Beautiful is an understatement. It's, it's...It's by far the best alley way I have ever seen."

That's right, Yugi and Kaiba had spotted an alley way. But it wasn't just any alley way. Well actually it was but the point was that Kaiba and Yugi liked it. It looked just like any other alley way. It was dark, had trash in it and graffiti on the walls but for some strange reason Kaiba and Yugi thought it was special.

Slowly but surely they approached the alley way together. Kaiba stepped in first and then invited Yugi to join him.

"Wow. I can't believe this. I'm in the alley way with Kaiba. I finally get to join in all the alley way games." thought Yugi smiling to himself.

"Hey Yugi take off your jacket. It might get in the way of our fun."

Yugi happily complied and took off his jacket. But the moment he set it on the trashcan behind him, his rat friend climbed out squeaking angrily about cheese. It was bad enough that Tea never gave him his promised cheese but now Yugi was doing the same thing. It was happening all over again.

"Yugi is that a rat?" asked Kaiba rubbing his temples.

"Um...Yeah...B-but it won't disturb us I--"

Kaiba threw Yugi out of his alley way. Technically it wasn't **his** alley way but Kaiba would beg to differ.

As for the rat on top of Yugi's jacket he just stared at Kaiba.

"So...I know I must be losing my mind seeing as how I'm now talking to a rat but...Do ya wanna get some cheese?"

The rat wanted to smile but couldn't. He had been heart broken so many times. Promises of cheese were always made but never kept.

Kaiba picked up the rat. "Burger World isn't far from here so lets get a cheeseburger. I'll eat the burger, you'll eat the cheese."

The rat smiled as Kaiba walked down the street holding him up so that he could see the world for all it's worth. It was true that he was a pocket rat but even pocket rat's needed a little sunlight every now and then. And finally at long last, the rat was going to get his cheese.

It was without a doubt a happy ending for the rat.

Yugi kicked a rock as he walked down the street muttering, "Stupid Kaiba threw me out of his stupid alley way cuz he's stupid and I hate him and..." Yugi stopped kicking the rock and stood still. "Hmm...I can't help but think I'm forgetting something."

"Is that a...dead body?" thought Billy Jackson walking by an alley way.

The End

Author's note: Well that's the end of this story. Thanks for reading and thanks for reviewing. I hoped you enjoyed it. Oh and as for the dead body that Billy saw...well it was Yugi's grandpa. I mean you probably already knew that but just in case you didn't know, then you know now.


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